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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:18
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:18
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 07:18
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Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
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Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI?!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She\'s 97 today and we don\'t know where she is!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
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2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 08:16
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